“Don’t ask, don’t get. Don’t get, don’t get mad.”
A friend shared this thought with me a few years ago. At the time she was a little mifffed at her husband – who was the one that had said it to her – but I thought it was excellent advice.
It has stuck with me to this day. Here’s why…
If you know what you want (in your job, from your employees, in a change program you are leading) have you asked for it?
It’s pretty simple advice, but surprisingly people forget to do it all the time.
And then people often do proceed to get mad.
- “Why aren’t (insert name of offending business group) doing what I want?”
- “How come (insert name of person who must be clueless) keeps undermining my change program?”
Not being clear and expecting others to figure it out or connect the dots on their own is usually a recipe for disaster. Your expectations will not be met and those around you will get frustrated.
Are you getting mad that others aren’t doing what you want or think they should do? STOP IT. Be honest with yourself and determine if you’ve asked for what you want or not.
If not, remember these words … Don’t ask, don’t get. Don’t get, don’t get mad.
p. s. Unfortunately, this “not asking” behavior may be a failing that women are more susceptible to than men. Check out these articles and sites for their take on this as a particular challenge for women.
- Check out this NY Times article: Women, Repeat This: Don’t Ask, Don’t Get
- Or this HBR blog: Four Ways Women Stunt Their Careers Unintentionally
- And the She Negotiates website and blog has tons of tips on “asking”: www.shenegotiates.com